How the year has flown by and it’s the start of my 10k season. I love this race because it’s local, flat and well attended. There’s also another reason in that you get another chance in June in the everyone active 10k ran over the same course to beat your time. I’m not competitive at all haha.
Well the build up to the race has been real good. I have trained hard and even took a few easy days rest before the race. The problem though is l suffer with a eating disorder where l binge on high calorie food only to self vomit it all back up once l’ve finished. Its something which has been with me for many a year and l go through intense episodes of this. My digestive system becomes shot and it effects my stomach,bowels, energy and very much my mood.
The good news is l’m getting help to combat this and it’s slowly helping me to reduce the amount of times it happens in a week. So onwards and upwards towards better mental health.
So it’s race Eve and my anxiety levels are sky high. For days the race has been on my mind but l’ve managed not to purge, well not untill the night before the race which is a rehearsal of all my races over the last few years.
Race day arrives and it’s not the best start to the morning. The purge is on my mind and l’m so worried that l will have to pull up in the race to run to the loo…this is what happens to my body due to the purging affect. Its not ideal but l felt l managed myself before the claxon sounded to complete the race with out an emergency trip to the loo.
So once l arrived at the mermaid and warmed up l felt quite good and my anxieties started to lower. I also found the lovely Sarah and Sara from the club for a quick chat before the off which calmed my pre race anxieties. After the chit chat and all hoping we all have a good race it was time to line up for the start.
The claxon or more the sound of a man shouting go launched the start of the race. After a the first mile of 6.08 l felt good and remained relaxed. I was around a group who l regular fought with some years back when l was much fitter. It felt nice and the next mile was 16 seconds slower but l still felt relaxed, l was in control. Getting towards the 3rd mile my body started to fail, the taste of acid, sore throat along with a struggle with my stomach and bowels had sabotage my race, well the night before to be true sabotage my race.
My thought process became darker and l went through the thought of pulling up and shamefully walking back. The problem was l could not push my body enough even though my legs felt alright. It was very frustrating and self demoralising and the thought of pulling up became overpowering.
The good thing is l finished the race after carefully managing my thoughts and body to the end. I ended up with a time of 41.40 and was asked at the end of the race if l was happy with it. I replied yes l was, not for the fact of the time it’s self but for the fact l have a huge amount of improvement to come once l sort my purging out.
To get to the starting line without vomiting a few nights a week or the night before a race can only give my body that extra energy and strength to propel me forward.
I don’t ask for any pitty from anyone because l’m fine with talking about my autism and mental problems. I speak about my losses and my victories in the same breath with ease and hope this will help others to realise that it alright not to feel good all the time and that talking helps to lessen your loads so you can move more freely.
Anyway l’ve come out of the race very optimistic that l will achieve my aim of going below 40 minutes in a 10k by the back end of the year with some real hard training. I also feel very positive of getting hold of my purging with the help l receive.
So if l summarise my day l’ve enjoyed taking what l’ve learned from the whole experience from the build up to post race. Its true running does give you a mental boost and gives you that feel good feeling. I now feel so energised to succeed and accomplish my targets and enjoy a life with better mental health.
Sorry if this is not a normal post race report your use to reading but it’s an important one to get my message over that mental health matters and so do you!